Hugin was coaching me on how to be a mean cuss last night so that I can better deal with people who are antagonistic aggressive dicks, who have nothing better to do then to make you feel small and insignificant. He started off with an attempt to get me to speak in short terse sentences. When I am irate I have a tendency to become a little too verbose, exceedingly polite and will prattle on for hours as I attempt to tell someone off. [A good sampling of this can be found in the below.] His attempt in limiting me to three worded sentences had me drawling like a Texan, cursing like a fiend, talking in tangents and him giggling up a storm. So much for me being a mean cuss. I can just see it now; me drawn up to my full height swearing like a fishmonger's wife as I try to tell the person that the are an insignificant wretch who should know better then to be dimwitted bullies, who treat people like crap. Them splayed on the floor laughing uncontrollably with tears streaming down their face. Yup I'm a regular Bonnie Parker me. [wry smile]
The conversation somehow turned to the Princess Bride after the giggling subsided. We were trying to remember the exact dialogue between when Wesley and Prince Humperdink. I think the " To the Pain" speeches is one of my favourites in the book. Perhaps I could memorize the monologue and every time someone pisses me off, or is an uncouth mean bastard I could recite it to them.
Westley: No! To the pain. And I'll explain. I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you wart-hog faced buffoon. To the pain means the first thing you lose will be your feet below the ankles, then your hands at the wrists, next your nose. I'm not finished. The next thing you lose will be your left eye, followed by your right. Your ears you keep! I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child who sees your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God, what is that thing?" will echo in your perfect ears. That is what "to the pain" means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever. It's possible, pig, I might be bluffing. It's conceivable, you miserable vomitous mass, that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. Then again, perhaps I have the strength after all. DROP YOUR SWORD!
Yes, I think that would work out nicely, very nicely indeed.
Posted by munin at December 6, 2002 07:40 AM