Yesteryear

Contemplations. Feeling a little tired,

Contemplations.
Feeling a little tired, headachy and there's an ache in my shoulders that just won't go away all this to say that I think I may need some fresh air, some coffee and a long hot shower.
Have also been in a contemplative mood as of late. Wondering about where I am heading and if I really want to go there. I had an interview the other day, for a job that I think I would enjoy and one that might include some training, which is something that I love to do. The company is new, small and seems like it is going somewhere. Which is another thing in its favour, if I get the job [fingers crossed], since it will provide a challenge and I will have the opportunity to gain some experience, learn a hell more new stuff and watch it grow. The only hitch is I am not sure if I am capable of doing all that is required and have begun to doubt myself. I fear that I am not good enough. It just seems like everything is unknown and all that I have learnt in university is for naught. I can't remember most of it, and will draw a blank on an overused equation.
The other question that keeps popping up, is "Do I really want to work in the field I have spent so long studying in?" Eight years of engineering and I am almost fed up with the topic. All that comes to mind when I think of a job related to this filed, is a 4x4 cubicle, grey walls and 9 to 5 hell. Which is not a good sign. I am more of a people person, though I do enjoy crunching numbers on occasion. I want to be able to find a job that allows me to travel and spread my wings, I want to work outdoors and set my own hours. I want to be able to be creative, have a desk that faces a window, preferably with a beach side view or overlooking a forest. I would like to be able to come into work dressed as I please and take the day off or work from home. I would like to be able to exist in an environment that isn't entrenched with politics and where the boss is approachable. I must be dreaming in techno colour.
I also question if engineering was the right course to follow. Maybe I should have gone into marine biology or veterinary science at least then I could work outside. The only problem with the latter is I know myself. I know how much it would tear me up to see animals suffer. How angered I would become at the people who mistreat them, and how many nights I would cry myself to sleep at having lost another animal. The former has always been my backup plan, something to do when I retire. Maybe I should have learnt to become a computer programmer, nope that leads back to the cubicle. Maybe I should just stop worrying and see where this job, if I get it, or any other engineering related job will lead me.