Hmm, well my beloved is talking about Xmas chores and the such and my mind is on a completely different track.
[[I'm being laughed at for blogging... although this is of course denied]]
For some reason just thinking about validation. Thinking about websites and blogs and why people will write on them. Why people place areas where others can write comments. I am sure there are many reasons for doing so. But I was thinking of a specific case and thinking it was for validation.
The web is anonymous, even though so many personal things can be placed out for anyone to read and to comment on, it is safe in some ways.
And while occasionally one might receive unfavorable comments, in the most part I think this would be rare. Therefore any comments received would be supportive and a form of validation.
I'm not going to go into any depth on this, fault me for that if you will; it was just a link in a train of thought.
Websites, exposure, validation... and onward looking at other sources of validation.
Walking down the street and getting yelled at by people or catcalled, or whistled at, some people would take these as attacks or bolstering of their validation and self-worth. Are they?
Interactions in group dynamics, who talks with who, who has coffee with who, or who doesn't...
The love in our life, the way they see us and that they love us.
I'm not going to say that these things do not touch us and thereby influence our sense of validation; one cannot monitor a system without influencing that system.
But it is when these things dominate our sense of worth that things become problematic. If we let one of these tip the scales in how we value ourselves and we change who we are, and are not true to ourselves. If we let strangers dictate our self-worth we are slaves to `them' and intangibles that `they' deem of value, things that are `in'. If we let our friends dictate our self-worth we risk being sycophantic or suffer as friends ebb and flow based on their lives and ours. Even the ones we love are not static, but change as we change.
It used to be thought that the universe was made of perfect spheres of crystal that unchanging made the music of the heavens. We know this (for now) to be untrue. Imperfections exist, the universe and everything in it is in flux and chaos (let's not go into the nature of order in chaos and chaos in order right now).
So external validation as the sole driving force for self-worth is flawed. We cannot live our lives for others though we may try. We cannot justify our choices to others, though we may spend every last breath in the attempt. Because in the end we are all accountable only to ourselves; the good, the righteous, the evil, the villainous. Nobody can convince you of anything, until you convince yourself. This leads into the whole thought of redemption, punishment, rehabilitation and the like, something else I won't go into.
The end thought was we cannot work outside in when it comes to who we are and why we do things, we must work inside out.
Not a new thought, just a different train to an old train station.