Psyching myself out

I feel like I did when writing my technical report paper.*

There is a knot in my throat and I am having the hardest time getting anything down on paper. Which is strange given the fact that if I were in a classroom I would be rattling off explanations and mouse clicks like there was no tomorrow. Making sure that everything was clear and concise. But. Now. Now I am a babbling fool, who is not quite sure how to properly expound on the ideas and explain the concepts, let alone list the steps. I keep stalling and when I actually do have something to write I doubt that good enough, which in turn makes me feel even more overwhelmed. It is enough to make a person want to scream and pull out their hair in frustration. Why. Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why do I distrust my abilities? Damnitalltohell.

Anyone feel like volunteering their mad typing skills? I know that if I could dictate the concepts to someone, pretending that I am in a classroom while they typed, things would go a lot better. Or not.

*Not sure what it is state side, but from where we hail from it’s the last technical paper that we write in order to graduate from engineering.

It took me one painful week to write and 4 months of prep. Once completed, I thought I would never have to go through that amount of writing angst again. And I swore that I would never let myself fall into the ‘psych yourself out/poorly prepared’ trap again. Yet here I sit, knots in stomach, mouth as dry as the Sahara desert, feeling exactly like I did all those years ago. [wry self deprecating smile] Goes to show you, some things change and some things will always sneak up on you unexpectedly.