You* may not agree with me but please do not ask me to defend why I chose a certain course, or why I am not following a predefined norm that you, yourself are following and expect everyone else to pursue. i.e.: Get married. Buy a car. Buy a house. Have kids. Invest. Invest. Invest. Renovate said household. Grow old and retire. I am not a melon with an expiry date, nor am I a mechanical devise that has a set sequence of steps that it must complete in order to reach it’s final output. And, this is definitely not the way that I want to live my life. Furthermore, if I suggest to you that we, my SO and I, intend on moving to such and such place. Please do not come back to me days later with the line, ‘Tell me you are not moving to such and such. It’s godawefully expensive, the salaries are comparatively low, the weather is dreary and is not doing well financially. You should really reconsider and invest your money.’ I am aware of these facts, but as the planned move is probably not happening for a little while, please give us the benefit of the doubt, and trust that we are doing what is best for us. Your constant nitpicking of the issue leaves me feeling uncomfortable and cornered, dissuading me from seeking further conversation on any topic that does not fit into your mindset. Thank you for your understanding. Please know that even though we don’t see eye to eye on this subject or others, I still enjoy conversing with you.
*General you. But you do know who you are. But it’s not YOU. Ok. Is that clear?
Justifications: an addendum
I dislike having to justify my dreams or the plans I have made for the future to people, dear or acquaintanced.** The need to so only makes me grumpballish and defensive. It’s not that I do not understand their concern, nor is it that I do not believe that they are only presenting their views because they care. However, what does occur is that I feel they do not trust my judgment, which ultimately puts me on the defensive. And, here I go again justifying myself, in a never-ending circular argument. [wry smile]
**Yes, this is a made up word, but it sounded better then 'dear and acquaintance'.
hey-
have you finally decided to move to california???
:)
*hugs*
do what you want, when you want. you are one of the smartest i know, sweetie!
Posted by: nicole on Junio 3, 2003 09:52 AMWhat Nicole said :).
I tend to live by the motto of never heeding anyone's advice. Its been very, very seldom that advice about my well-being has been given out of the sheer concern for me but more a reflection of the advise giver's fears.
Unless, of course, I'm asking for advice, but that's different!
Posted by: Amber on Junio 3, 2003 09:55 AMThe term "kvetch" comes to mind.
Fugetaboudit. From those of us who really care, go where you must. But we are concerned one way or another. Bseides, where is it you think you're going anyway - Idaho?
Agreed that everyone make their own decisions, which at least seems to be the best decision at the time the decision was made. And one man's good decision might be another man's bad decision, it all comes down to what you want out of life, what priorities you have, etc.
For example, I decided to reduce my income in order to move to a place where I actually felt at home and could have a life. To some people, this was a bad thing. To me, it was a good thing.
Then I moved again, because I wanted to be my own boss. As the timing was wrong, and I trusted the wrong person, this turned out to be a mistake. However, it was my mistake, and I gained a lot of "experience points" in doing so, which makes me better equipped to meet the challenges that the rest of my life is about to throw my way.
So far we agree.
But I still cling on to my claim that "expensive" is spelled... oh wait... you got it right...
Gard
Oh my...you're living in sin aren't you?
Start calling him "life partner" and they go away.
You life is to be lived by you and you alone. Tell people to bugger off.
Posted by: Da Goddess on Junio 4, 2003 02:43 AMAh, sweet Boise... how I have longed to live amidst your potato fields and ... whatever else you may have.
Idaho... I don't think so :D
Angleterre. That's the place to try next. Sure, it's dreary and rainy and damp and moist and humid and foggy, and expensive. Sure, they eat strange foods and basically have historically done a lot of going anywhere else possible (thereby creating a huge empire). But it's England, and the doorway to the continent as Napoleon would agree, and thus a neat place to spend time and do as the English do... leave England to see other places that aren't so dreary/rainy, etc.
As for me, I believe in consideration for those who are considerate, and believe in listening to those who listen as well.
My ears are always open, but my decisions are mine alone.*
* Except where Munin has better decisions; then I reserve the right to abrogate mine and adopt those.
Ah! England! Then, may I suggest that when you travel outside England, that you pay a visit to the wet and dreary country further north, known as Norway? Yuu ar vælkøm.
Posted by: Gard on Junio 4, 2003 11:57 AMNorway hmm?
I hadn't considered it actually, I'd planned on trying to avoid anywhere that might be colder than Canada... :D Wasn't sure what we would do in any of the Scandanavian countries. Not terribly familiar with them, outside of the basic geography, basic history, and basic temperature!
Where's my Norway brochure?
Posted by: Hugin on Junio 4, 2003 04:02 PMNicole, unfortunately no. not yet. there are others places that have been pseudo planed for quite a while so we have so what will happen. *fingers crossed and hoping for the best* thanks sweetie. *mwah*
Amber, yup. though like you if i'm asking, i'll listen and take the advice under consideration. miss ya. * squishy hugs*
Dad, the term kvetch is a good one ;)
Idaho? I'm not sure I could handle Idaho. Why is there a song I can't name, and can only hum coming unbidden to mind? For now it seem that Good Old is calling our name. Your concern is welcome, and is returned. Along with our love and great affection. Asides, no matter where we are you would always be welcomed.
Gard. Welcome to our humble abode. and, one man's good decision might be another man's bad decision it all comes down to what you want out of life, what priorities you have, etc.
Amen! True, which is why I usually take and give advice with a grain of salt. Norway. I have not considered visiting. But that might change.
G*big grin*
Not so loud, the neighbours will hear you and then where will we be? huh? we'd have to schlep over to your place. Maybe I should try the "life partner" though I don't think the old foggies are going to go for it.
Goddess, i agree, but some people just have this need to stick their opinions into everything. I must really start using the "bugger off" line. I just feel bad/guilty afterwards. I am a suck/glutton for punishment.
Posted by: munin on Junio 4, 2003 09:17 PM