Febrero 24, 2003
Monday, Fneh!
Skin drawn tight over bones, my shoulders tense and settle near my earlobes. I curl up into a chair as my body vibrates, a thousand nerve endings cry out in unison. The need to scream dwells deep in my belly. Fatigue infuses my spirit. I am not sure if it the cold or the anxiety of potentially being out of work, the worry of the unknown that has caused my body to react this way.
Truthfully, it is most likely the latter. I am so worried about what is going to happen with work, I fear the inability to pay my bills, to fall behind on paying back my student loans and the consequences of that. I am also vexed at the sales people in our office. I am down right pissed that they didn’t plan for this, that we were told one thing at the beginning of the month only to have the opposite happen. I want to scream, rant and rave at them. Call them buffoons to their faces; tell them that they should be the ones to take the fall for this, that they should be the ones paying for their error, their lack of planning. But, I can’t, I don’t. Instead, I walk into the office each day allocated to me, and I smile, a mask to hide my anxiety. I do my work and then some hoping that any extra effort on my part will ensure that soon, we will all be back to full time employment. Goddamnitall! I need a stiff drink, and a punching bag to vent my frustrations.
[Link lovingly nabbed from Susan. ]
Posted by munin at Febrero 24, 2003 01:14 PMi'm sorry to hear your situation is getting you down! hang in there, dear- it'll work out for you!
Posted by: nikki g. on Febrero 25, 2003 12:20 AMHow fortunate that I have some bottles wrapped up ready & waiting for you. No punching bag to offer; but I did once with malice aforethought rip an innocent & defenceless cardboard box into tiny shreds, and can recommend it as temporarily satisfying. :)
You are an acutely intellectually agile person, and you've an emotionally perceptive and noble heart; I've no doubt that between your acuity and integrity you should soon find yourself nimbly back on your feet.
As for student loans, you should be able to call your loan officer (why do they make it sound like we're criminals on parole?) about your new financial situation and discuss new arrangements. While unemployed I was able to delay making payments, without being penalized, through a "forgiveness" program. Call & ask about your options; even if you never need to use them, knowing you've got some flexibility there should relieve some stress.
Mind you, personal competency is all very well and good; but a little lucky happenstance, here and there, now and then, doesn't go amiss. :) So, above and beyond, I am
wishing you flukes in your favour,
Edgar
Posted by: edgar mousehat on Febrero 25, 2003 10:12 AMI know how that feels. *hugs* Things always get better!
Posted by: Amber on Febrero 25, 2003 11:44 AMYes, same as Edgar Mousehat, I was going to suggest getting a Student Loan deferrment if it gets bad. If you do find yourself unemployed you should at least use it as an excuse to take a break from paying back the student loans.
Hint: It takes them a long long time to find out you're working again. I got out of paying mine for half a year once, even though I got another job right away.
Posted by: stacey on Febrero 25, 2003 10:11 PMI'm so sorry to hear this, Munin! As of a couple of days later, what's the prognosis? Are things looking up? {{{HUGE hugs}}}
Posted by: Susan on Febrero 26, 2003 03:46 PM